I don’t know about you but during the pandemic and the radical interruption to our lives, I got to slow down, and I spent time reflecting on how I wanted to use my time differently. I really embraced that what I was doing was successful but completely exhausting.

Did you use this time to stop and think what you typically focus your time and energy on? Was it scrolling away on social media? Perhaps binge-watching on Netflix. Maybe you saw some relationships in their true form and understood how strong or toxic they are? Did you discover more information about what you really want to spend your energy on in the future? I did all those things and made decisions about how I wanted to spend my energy.

I understood more clearly what was worth my energy. I’m more focussed in my present self and I’m enjoying working on all the different parts of my future self.

Recent news reports would have us believe that the pandemic is over and yet there is an energy within us that is still working to find our new way through life. We may have reflected and decided we wanted different things, but then the bullet train of life started back up and some of us were off again, hurtling along the tracks through our life at breakneck speeds.

Emerging from the pandemic involved me reducing my paid employment and taking Collective Wisdom Coaching to the next level. I’m spending time bringing purposeful self-care into my life. I’m continuing to unpack my grief and understand the true impact of the losses I have suffered. I am nourishing myself and soothing my pain when it surfaces, no more swallowing, buffering or denying.

I am more consistently catching the guilt, blame and shame cycles that drop into my mind and inflict hurt. I’m checking them in, challenging them and giving them the express check out! I’m spending my energy in the places that make me a better person. I’m more aware of what I want to spend my energy on and why.

I didn’t get here overnight. I had to spend some time really connecting with myself. It wasn’t something that I did in one night, it was about lots of little moments over several months. It was practicing self-reflection and asking myself some curious questions.

Here are some concepts to guide you thinking about what you want to focus your energy on:

• Acknowledging people-pleasing tendencies. Some of us have been people-pleasers our whole life without even knowing it. I’ve always been a helper, personally and professionally, part of that has been anchored in the craving I have for connection and belonging, and I achieve this through people pleasing. People-pleasing is unhealthy because it is not a balanced relationship. The power base is unequal. Over time all the giving can turn to resentment, and it goes on to reinforce the internal script that we are not good enough, not worthy enough. When we take time to look inward and become more self-aware, we can recognise how much we do to please others rather than giving ourselves what we need from a respectful place.
• Accepting yourself. This has been something I have grappled with and been working on my entire life. It may feel or sound like you second guessing your decisions, perhaps you don’t think your truly capable of doing what everyone else thinks you can do. For me, it’s a deeply held set of beliefs that’s eroded parts of me and left a path of destruction. At times I’ve been torn down and torn myself down. I’ve found working on this regularly with a caring and compassionate approach is where the empowerment and energy comes, and the shift takes you closer to becoming your best self.
• Connecting to your foundations. Understanding the true foundation of your life is critical, without a solid foundation we will struggle to build the life we want. Think about the fundamental aspects of your physical and mental health here. It might involve nourishing yourself through food, caring for yourself through hydration, decluttering the ‘stuff’ from your life, looking up at the stars, spending time appreciating the natural elements in your life, moving your body, singing your heart out, dancing while you cook or clean, touching your skin with care, spending time with people who light you up and hold you when you need them and of course there is spending time with those furry little friends who love you like no one else!
• Making time for yourself. Let’s be honest, the expectation on women to care for others and be everyone’s everything is immense and heavy. The women I work with often struggle to make time for themselves. For years, I was ‘busy’ all the time because it created a wall that meant I didn’t have time to ‘feel.’ That works, until it doesn’t. Find the things you love and pepper them through your life. Do them to relax, do them to fill your cup, do them to find your breath again, do them to rediscover the rhythm of your life, do them to demonstrate to yourself, that you do matter. Remember, making time is not about hours of your day or week, it can be several small moments that help you rebuild a new sense of self.

Understanding clearly what is worth your energy is really important. It helps you focus on your present self as you make your way to your future self. Your energy is a valuable commodity, and you deserve to choose where you spend it. Recognising that you are the creator of your energy is powerful.

Be brave, take the time to look inward and check in with yourself. Look at where you are currently spending your energy, but more importantly choose where you want to spend your energy and bring different results into your life.

You deserve to live the life you truly want.