There’s no doubt that you’ve heard the word ‘trigger’. Perhaps someone has told you that they have felt triggered. Perhaps you have felt triggered. The word has definitely infiltrated our everyday language and experiences.

Do you know the true definition of a trigger?

In mental health terms, a trigger refers to something that affects your emotional state, often significantly, by causing extreme overwhelm or distress. It is often referred to as a ‘sensory reminder that causes painful memories or certain symptoms to resurface.’ Triggers are the secret threads that weave through the fabric of our emotions, often unnoticed but deeply impactful when they hit.

If you’ve ever experienced a traumatic event, you’ll likely remember certain sounds, smells, or sights related to that experience. One of the most common impacts of a trigger is how it affects our ability to remain present in the moment, many people report how triggers will pull them away from themselves and all around them, distancing them from reality. It can also bring up and engage with specific patterns of thinking and feeling that influence our behaviours and actions.

In other words triggers can be a LOT!

Understanding Triggers: Delving into the Subtleties

Picture the sudden appearance of a barking dog—a clear and unmistakable trigger of potential danger. Whilst that is obvious and easy to understand, more often than not, triggers manifest as subtle or even unconscious cues that set off our nervous system’s alarm bells. These cues can be found in the nuances of facial expressions, tones, vocal pacing, and body language. They can also be found in places, spaces, our own behaviours and the actions of others or things.

An example for me is the hospice where my Mum spent time for pain management and eventually her death. Whilst I was very appreciative for the care we received and in particular that I was able to shift from the role of carer to a being a daughter again – the reality is that there are many sensory reminders that cause painful memories to resurface. For a long time, all the roads (the actual bitumen roads) that lead to the hospice were a trigger for me to feel the pain, the loss, the anger, the resentment and all the other feelings I was feeling at the time.

Recognising that emotional triggers extend far beyond the obvious and are another aspect of what shapes our reactions and responses to the world around us. Within our interpersonal relationships, we’re incredibly sensitive to triggers.

As humans we can experience a range of micro triggers such as a shift in someone’s gase or as nuanced as a change in vocal inflection. These subtle triggers elicit reactions that can range from sudden anger to the urge to withdraw. Understanding how these triggers impact us can be the first step for women to begin reclaiming their emotional agency.

Unique Pathways: Triggers Personalised by Experience

What makes emotional triggers so captivating is their unique personalisation. No two triggers are exactly alike, as each person’s lifetime of experiences shapes their own emotional landscape. A particular smell might awaken an unconscious memory of childhood trauma for one individual, while another might experience a stronger trigger in response to feelings of exclusion due to their history of rejection. These triggers hold the power to shift our emotional tides in ways that can go unnoticed by our conscious minds. Recognising the intricate journey that we are on is critical to be able to understand how we can manage our triggers in life.

These days I can travel on all the roads that lead towards the hospice and for the most part I am ok. But truth be told some days, usually the days when in some way I need my Mum, I can experience a triggering moment. I manage it very differently now than I did closer to the event and whilst I’d like to say to you that they subside and stop causing us pain – I’d be lying. What I can recognise now that I couldn’t then was the growth I have experienced and how I can hold myself safe when I experience pain from the past.

Glimmers: The Soft Embrace of Safety

Glimmers are the absolute opposite of triggers in that they are small moments that spark opposite emotions to triggers such as joy, peace and safety. Glimmers serve as beacons of safety and connection. Glimmers are the cues that open the doors to relaxation and authenticity, inviting us to engage with the world from a place of trust. Just as a ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds brings warmth after a storm, glimmers bring a sense of ease after the emotional storms of triggers. They activate our ventral vagal nervous system, offering moments of connection with ourselves, others, and the world.

For the longest time, I was stuck in the goofy loop of triggering. Discovering, researching, understanding, and embracing glimmers became a large part of reclaiming my sense of self. Glimmers are everywhere, waiting to be noticed and cherished. The caress of a gentle breeze, the fragrance of a home-cooked meal, an eye stare from your dog or the beauty of leaf growing slowly in the sun — all of these hold the potential to elicit feelings of comfort and well-being.

While triggers can make us feel that we have lost a bit of control, a glimmer can remind us that not being in control is not necessarily a bad thing all the time. You may not recognise what your personal glimmers are. It can be really useful to try and remind yourself of times when you felt calm, relaxed and what happened at that time or where you were when you had those feelings so you can revisit them. By tuning in to the glimmers around us—whether they’re found in the natural world, our surroundings, or within ourselves—we can gradually become less reactive to triggers and more responsive to life’s challenges.

As you read these words, pause for a moment and engage your senses. Observe the glimmers that surround you—the warmth of the sun, the rustling leaves, the comforting aroma of your surroundings. These are the reminders that you have the power to rewrite your emotional narrative.

Go gently
Mel xx

**** Remember……..in the symphony of triggers and glimmers, I’m here to guide and nurture your journey towards self-discovery and resilience. With every step you take, you’re rewriting your emotional script, embracing the power to shape your responses and cultivate a sense of connection with the world around you. As you navigate life, remember you don’t have to do it alone. Reach in workwith@collectivewisdomcoaching.com and we can talk about where you’re at, what you need and how we can work together to help you achieve it.