There is a lot of talk and advice out there about how we can maintain positive mental health – some of it is useful, but a lot of isn’t. In fact, it can feel like it adds to the long to-do list and turns up the temperature on our pressure cooker. I wanted to share one of the most impactful ways I’ve used and supported 100s of women to implement to maintain positive mental health – setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.

For many women, especially those juggling multiple roles and responsibilities, the concept of boundaries can sometimes feel foreign or even selfish. Like so many of you, I’ve been actively working on installing boundaries for the better half of my life and just when I think I am doing an exceptional job – I notice that my people pleasing tendencies have crept back in. There is a correlation between asserting our boundaries and supporting our mental health. Whether it’s a gentle reminder or learning how to set boundaries for more impact – it can absolutely transform your life and how you feel about yourself.

Why Are Boundaries Important?

Boundaries are the invisible lines that define our limits and protect our personal space. They are a declaration of what we find acceptable and unacceptable in our relationships and interactions with others. Holding and setting boundaries is crucial because it can help you:

• Prevent Burnout: Overcommitting can lead to burnout, which is harmful to both physical and mental health. Boundaries help prevent exhaustion and maintain wellbeing.
• Manage Your Time: Clearly defined boundaries allow you to prioritise tasks, manage your time more effectively, and focus on what truly matters.
• Create Healthy Relationships: Setting boundaries can lead to more respectful relationships, as it promotes open communication and mutual understanding.
• Foster Self-Respect: Boundaries are an expression of self-respect and self-worth. They show that you value your needs and are willing to protect them.

The Connection Between Boundaries and Mental Health

When you set boundaries, you are working towards a life that aligns with your core values and priorities. This alignment is fundamental to maintaining positive mental health. Boundaries contribute to mental wellbeing in many ways including reducing stress and feelings of anxiety. When you’re clear about your boundaries, you reduce the risk of overcommitting and the associated stress and anxiety. Knowing your limits allows you to manage your responsibilities without feeling overwhelmed.

Setting boundaries is an act of self-compassion. It’s about recognising your worth and caring for yourself. This mindset shift can lead to greater self-esteem and emotional resilience. The science also tells us that installing boundaries helps you manage your emotions more effectively by preventing situations that can trigger negative feelings. You gain a sense of control over your environment and interactions.

We’ve all heard the call for creating time for self-care. In truth, saying no to what doesn’t serve you, creates more space for activities and people that nurture your wellbeing. This self-care is crucial for maintaining mental health.

Common Challenges in Setting Boundaries

Despite the benefits, setting boundaries is often easier said than done. In many ways it makes sense. For many of the women I work with (including myself) as children we were strongly encouraged, if not demanded to be agreeable and do as we are told. Then as we move into adolescence and young adulthood we are keen to please and prove that we are capable – to do that we say ‘yes’ a lot. The cycles go on and on and during this time we are widening and deepening the neural pathway that leads us to say yes. Even when it doesn’t work for us. Many women face challenges such as:

• Fear of Rejection: The fear of hurting or disappointing others can make it difficult to say no, leading to overcommitment and resentment.
• Guilt and Shame: Societal expectations often condition women to be accommodating and self-sacrificing. Saying no can feel selfish or wrong, despite being necessary for personal wellbeing.
• Lack of Skills: Many of us were never taught how to set boundaries effectively. Without the right skills, we may struggle to communicate our needs assertively.

Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries

Once we know what the barriers and challenges are – we can make a plan to make some gentle changes. The tips below give you a plan to implement small steps, nice nudges and tiny tweaks for big change.

1. Identify Your Core Values: Understand what’s most important to you. This clarity will help you set boundaries that align with your priorities.
2. Be Clear and Direct: When setting boundaries, avoid ambiguity. Clearly state your needs and limits. Example: “I appreciate the opportunity, but I won’t be able to take on this project right now.”
3. Practice Saying No: It’s okay to say no to requests that don’t align with your values or overload your schedule. Example: “I need to focus on my wellbeing. I’m unable to commit to this right now.”
4. Offer Alternatives: If possible, suggest alternatives to show willingness to help without compromising your boundaries. Example: “I can’t take on this task, but perhaps we can delegate it to someone else.”
5. Seek Support: Lean on friends, mentors, or a coach to help you stay accountable and reinforce your boundaries.

Setting boundaries is not a one-time event; it’s an ongoing practice that requires patience and persistence. Commit to honouring your needs and protecting your mental health by setting clear, compassionate boundaries. Remember, you can book in a connection call with me to talk about how you can practice putting in place boundaries to create a life that respects your limits and prioritises your wellbeing. 

Go gently.

Mel xx