I wanted to share one of the most impactful ways I’ve used and supported 100s of women to implement to maintain positive mental health – setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Our brains are amazing and complex organs that are responsible for regulating our emotions and survival instincts. One key player in this intricate system is the amygdala.

Have You Ever Written Yourself a Letter? Have you ever written yourself a letter? I recently had the unique experience of reading a letter that I had written to myself a year ago. I had tucked it away between the pages of my favourite book, almost forgetting about it, until I got a reminder in my calendar. I went to the bookshelf pulled the book down and there it was addressed to Mrs Melanie Greenhalgh in my own handwriting. Little did I know, this simple exercise would reveal so much about where I was back then and give me a profound chance to reflect on where I am today. As I carefully opened the envelope, memories from a year ago came flooding back. The person I was, the challenges I faced, the dreams I nurtured—all captured in my own words. Reading through the letter, it was like having a heart-to-heart conversation with my past self, and it was nothing short of enlightening. In those lines, I found a mix of emotions: hopes, fears, triumphs, and setbacks. It was a snapshot of my life during a particular moment in time, and it held a mirror to my soul. The letter detailed my aspirations, the goals I was determined to achieve, and the hurdles I was struggling to overcome. It was an honest dialogue that highlighted not only my ambitions but also the roadblocks that were holding me back. While it might be easy to think that writing a letter to ourselves is a bit ‘out there’, Behavioural Neuroscience provides fascinating insights into why reflecting on progress is essential for our development: 1. Neuroplasticity: Reflection helps to reinforce neural pathways associated with learning and development. Neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to reorganise itself by forming new neural connections, is enhanced when we engage in self-reflection. This rewiring of the brain can result in improved problem-solving skills and greater adaptability. 2. Memory Consolidation: Reflecting on experiences helps to consolidate memories, making them more stable and accessible in the future. This process occurs during periods of rest or low activity, allowing the brain to sift through information and retain what is most valuable. 3. Emotional Regulation: Self-reflection activates the prefrontal cortex, a region of the brain involved in planning, decision-making, and moderating social behaviour. This activation helps you better understand and manage your emotions, leading to improved emotional regulation—a key aspect of mental health and wellbeing. 4. Self-Awareness: The act of reflecting fosters self-awareness by engaging the medial prefrontal cortex. Self-awareness is crucial for recognising personal strengths and weaknesses, setting realistic goals, and making informed decisions. 5. Learning from Mistakes: Reflection enables us to learn from our mistakes. When you reflect on setbacks or failures, the brain analyses these events, helping you to avoid similar pitfalls in the future. This learning process is crucial for personal growth and resilience. Remember, you don’t ever have to do this alone. You can connect with a coach to help debrief, organise and understand your thoughts, feelings and actions. 6. Motivation and Reward System: Reflecting on progress activates the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine—a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and motivation. This positive reinforcement encourages continued effort and perseverance, making it more likely you will pursue and achieve their goals. Sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to overlook our own progress. The simple act of writing a letter to yourself can remind you of the milestones you’ve achieved, the growth you have experienced, and the resilience you’ve developed. A letter to yourself is a beautiful way to document your perseverance and celebrate your journey, no matter how winding it has been. Equally important, the insights of a letter can serve as a gentle nudge to re-evaluate the obstacles you face. It can shed light on the patterns and habits that are hindering your progress, and give you clarity on what needs to shift, change or adapt. The process of self-reflection is both humbling and empowering, offering you a fresh perspective on your life. Writing a letter to oneself is an incredibly powerful tool for personal growth. It’s a practice that encourages introspection, self-compassion, and accountability. And the best part? It doesn’t have to end with just one letter. Making it a habit to write to yourself at regular intervals can provide ongoing insights and motivations. And if you want someone to support you through this type of process – I’m here to help by holding a safe space to guide you and let you freely explore your insights without judgement, blame, shame or guilt. So, have you ever written yourself a letter? If not, I encourage you to give it a try. Set aside some quiet time, and let your thoughts flow. Write about where you are, where you want to go, and what’s standing in your way. Seal the letter, mark the date, and pledge to open it in the future—maybe in a year, maybe in five. When the day comes, you might be surprised by the wisdom it holds and the progress it reveals. Ready to book in a 20 minute Connection Call with Mel? Do it now by clicking here. Go gently Mel xx

The Two Questions That Can Change Your Mind: Challenging Automatic Negative Thoughts Scroll through social media and you’ll see positivity mantras and a focus on mindset. But amongst all the noise, we can find ourselves feeling like failures because we hear negative self-talk every day. Our minds generate around 70,000 thoughts a day, and shockingly, 80% or more tend to be negative. When you really sit with that – it helps you make sense of it and understand that part of creating and maintaining our well-being is managing the prevalence of the negative thoughts our brain generates to help keep us safe and alive at all times! Automatic Negative Thoughts trigger a cascade of chemicals in our bodies, affecting our mood and overall health. The power of our thoughts lies in their ability to shape our reality, regardless of their accuracy. Thoughts, if left unquestioned, can deceive us and lead to anxiety, depression, and relationship issues. However, by learning to identify and challenge these automatic negative thoughts, we can transform our mental landscape and cultivate a more positive outlook on life. Managing negative thoughts is a skill that can be learned and practiced, leading to significant improvements in our mental and emotional well-being. Here are five simple steps to help you navigate and overcome automatic negative thoughts: Write Down Your Automatic Negative Thoughts: Start by acknowledging and recording your negative thoughts. Bringing them out into the open is the first step towards challenging them. Identify the Type of Automatic Negative Thought: Recognise common patterns such as: ‘All Or Nothing’ Thinking:Seeing things in extreme terms, such as believing that something must be perfect or a total failure. Labelling:Using negative names or terms to describe yourself or others, often oversimplifying complex situations. The Blame Game:Avoiding personal responsibility by attributing negative outcomes solely to external factors or other people’s actions. Thinking With Your Feelings:Allowing emotions to dictate your thoughts, leading to irrational beliefs based on current emotional states. Fortune-Telling:Predicting negative outcomes or events without evidence, assuming the worst-case scenario will always happen. Mind-Reading:Assuming you know others’ thoughts, intentions, or motivations, often attributing negative reasons to their behaviours without factual basis. Understanding these patterns can help you address and reframe them effectively. Question the Truth of Your Thoughts: Challenge the validity of your negative thoughts by asking yourself if they are 100% true. Often, our minds exaggerate situations or distort reality, leading to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Assess Your Emotional Response: Reflect on how your negative thoughts make you feel and then imagine how you would feel without them. This exercise can provide perspective on the impact of your thoughts on your emotions. Make Negative Thought Management a Daily Habit: Consistency is key when it comes to managing negative thinking. Practice challenging and reframing your thoughts regularly to strengthen your cognitive resilience and promote a positive mindset. While there is immense pressure on individuals, especially women, to excel in various aspects of life, embracing self-compassion is crucial for maintaining mental well-being and resilience. By defining our own version of success and integrating self-compassion and gratitude into our daily lives, we can shield ourselves from the harmful effects of constant comparison and perfectionism. There are two questions I encourage you all to use to neutralise automatic negative thoughts: Are my thoughts useful? How do they behave? By adopting a proactive approach to managing our thoughts and cultivating self-compassion, we can unlock a sense of inner peace, confidence, and emotional empowerment. Remember, your thoughts do not define you; they are simply visitors in your mind, and you have the power to choose the ones that serve your highest good. Go gently Mel xx

From Triggers to Glimmers: A Journey of Conscious Awareness There’s no doubt that you’ve heard the word ‘trigger’. Perhaps someone has told you that they have felt triggered. Perhaps you have felt triggered. The word has definitely infiltrated our everyday language and experiences. Do you know the true definition of a trigger? In mental health terms, a trigger refers to something that affects your emotional state, often significantly, by causing extreme overwhelm or distress. It is often referred to as a ‘sensory reminder that causes painful memories or certain symptoms to resurface.’ Triggers are the secret threads that weave through the fabric of our emotions, often unnoticed but deeply impactful when they hit. If you’ve ever experienced a traumatic event, you’ll likely remember certain sounds, smells, or sights related to that experience. One of the most common impacts of a trigger is how it affects our ability to remain present in the moment, many people report how triggers will pull them away from themselves and all around them, distancing them from reality. It can also bring up and engage with specific patterns of thinking and feeling that influence our behaviours and actions. In other words triggers can be a LOT! Understanding Triggers: Delving into the Subtleties Picture the sudden appearance of a barking dog—a clear and unmistakable trigger of potential danger. Whilst that is obvious and easy to understand, more often than not, triggers manifest as subtle or even unconscious cues that set off our nervous system’s alarm bells. These cues can be found in the nuances of facial expressions, tones, vocal pacing, and body language. They can also be found in places, spaces, our own behaviours and the actions of others or things. An example for me is the hospice where my Mum spent time for pain management and eventually her death. Whilst I was very appreciative for the care we received and in particular that I was able to shift from the role of carer to a being a daughter again – the reality is that there are many sensory reminders that cause painful memories to resurface. For a long time, all the roads (the actual bitumen roads) that lead to the hospice were a trigger for me to feel the pain, the loss, the anger, the resentment and all the other feelings I was feeling at the time. Recognising that emotional triggers extend far beyond the obvious and are another aspect of what shapes our reactions and responses to the world around us. Within our interpersonal relationships, we’re incredibly sensitive to triggers. As humans we can experience a range of micro triggers such as a shift in someone’s gase or as nuanced as a change in vocal inflection. These subtle triggers elicit reactions that can range from sudden anger to the urge to withdraw. Understanding how these triggers impact us can be the first step for women to begin reclaiming their emotional agency. Unique Pathways: Triggers Personalised by Experience What makes emotional triggers so captivating is their unique personalisation. No two triggers are exactly alike, as each person’s lifetime of experiences shapes their own emotional landscape. A particular smell might awaken an unconscious memory of childhood trauma for one individual, while another might experience a stronger trigger in response to feelings of exclusion due to their history of rejection. These triggers hold the power to shift our emotional tides in ways that can go unnoticed by our conscious minds. Recognising the intricate journey that we are on is critical to be able to understand how we can manage our triggers in life. These days I can travel on all the roads that lead towards the hospice and for the most part I am ok. But truth be told some days, usually the days when in some way I need my Mum, I can experience a triggering moment. I manage it very differently now than I did closer to the event and whilst I’d like to say to you that they subside and stop causing us pain – I’d be lying. What I can recognise now that I couldn’t then was the growth I have experienced and how I can hold myself safe when I experience pain from the past. Glimmers: The Soft Embrace of Safety Glimmers are the absolute opposite of triggers in that they are small moments that spark opposite emotions to triggers such as joy, peace and safety. Glimmers serve as beacons of safety and connection. Glimmers are the cues that open the doors to relaxation and authenticity, inviting us to engage with the world from a place of trust. Just as a ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds brings warmth after a storm, glimmers bring a sense of ease after the emotional storms of triggers. They activate our ventral vagal nervous system, offering moments of connection with ourselves, others, and the world. For the longest time, I was stuck in the goofy loop of triggering. Discovering, researching, understanding, and embracing glimmers became a large part of reclaiming my sense of self. Glimmers are everywhere, waiting to be noticed and cherished. The caress of a gentle breeze, the fragrance of a home-cooked meal, an eye stare from your dog or the beauty of leaf growing slowly in the sun — all of these hold the potential to elicit feelings of comfort and well-being. While triggers can make us feel that we have lost a bit of control, a glimmer can remind us that not being in control is not necessarily a bad thing all the time. You may not recognise what your personal glimmers are. It can be really useful to try and remind yourself of times when you felt calm, relaxed and what happened at that time or where you were when you had those feelings so you can revisit them. By tuning in to the glimmers around us—whether they’re found in the natural world, our surroundings, or within ourselves—we can gradually become less reactive to triggers and more responsive to life’s